On Monday, the Padres' 20-year veteran pitcher David Wells, shown to the left on the Red Sox in all his masculine glory, was diagnosed with diabetes. This should come to no surprise to most baseball fans who even remotely follow the game, as they should know Wells to be "a man's man," to put it lightly. Let's just say that Wells feels that health, diet, and fitness are somewhat antiquated notions. Wells is the Fred Flinstone of baseball, and we all love him for it, but it looks now that his years of being massively overweight, smoking cigars before every start, banging lots of women with questionable character, and tying one on every night have finally caught up to him. He will now have to drastically alter his lifestyle, as his lack of energy from the disease has already been seen in camp, as he is 0-3 with a 15.26 ERA in three Cactus League starts.
I'm not saying I don't feel sorry for the guy, but come on, he had to have seen this coming. Personally, with all the junk he throws, I figured he would pitch until his mid-50s like Satchel Page and drop dead of a heart attack trying to throw a back-door 84 mph slider. This is just another sign of America's problem with obesity - even the 1-2% of the population that we consider "athletes" are even at risk. Even so, we typically only associate Type 2 diabetes with young children and the elderly. Way to break that norm, Boomer. I do hope he recovers and goes on to be productive for a few more years in the majors, because he is somehow still effective. I just hope that this change in lifestyle doesn't alter his outgoing and charismatic persona.
Wells seems to think he can do it: "'No more starches and sugar,' Wells explained. 'No more rice, pasta, potatoes and white bread. No more fast food. I've cut out alcohol. I can still have a glass of wine now and then. But I've got to watch what I'm doing. I'm not drinking.'" I'm not saying I have my doubts, but...can you put "raging alcoholic and lazy bastard" on an epitaph? Maybe "embodied the American spirit" is a better way to word it.